One-A-Day: Pittsburgh Penguins

Sadly, the Penguins are the last of the One-A-Days. It is by far one of our funnest features on the blog and the one that definitely gets the fans out from their summer slumber.



Thanks to everyone who participated and also to the commenters on the posts because both make the blog a better place to visit.



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Pittsburgh Penguins





Where do we even start? There are so many things to discuss: the terrible start to the season/Fleury's failure then they kicked it into high gear in November, 'the concussion', the Brawl on Long Island, so many injury woes, the Tampa Bay Lightning spanking, the Talbot un-signing. So many things to discuss.





But we go for the hard-hitting news here, as always. And one thing that has been on our mind is 'What jersey should Noodles buy for the season?' Seriously, it has been.



Kidding. Although that is for another post.



What we want to talk about is the future of the Penguins. Everyone knows what happened last season.



What we don't know is what is going to happen this season.



Shero tried unsuccessfully to sign Max Talbot to a three-year contract but that wasn't to be. And Jagr said 'see ya later' and jumped ship to the Flyers. It seemed like no one was left for Shero to sign.



But he's always been the king of the high risk/high reward signings/trades. And the underrated ones. For example, Petr Sykora. He was streaky but he was a huge part of the Penguins Cup run. An example of a bad one would be Alexei Ponikarovsky. We pretend that it didn't happen.



This past offseason, Shero signed Steve Sullivan to a one-year deal. We are extremely excited to see him in a Penguins uniform because we believe in Shero's Kool-aid and drink it with a smile on our faces.





We only have hope for this upcoming season. Every team is on the starting line and even with one another. (Except for the Senators, we don't know what happened there). Every team has a chance, for the first month of course.



There are several things that we're excited about as Penguins fans. And here they are in a Top Ten sort of way.



01. the return of Sidney Crosby (it will happen and he will be glorious)



02. James Neal playing with Crosby, excuse us while we fan-girl over that tandem





03. everything that Craig Adams chooses to be



04. maybe Matt Cooke has changed, well, now it's proving time Mister



05. apparently Malkin is ready for this season, hopefully that means Canadian ready and not Russian ready because there is a difference



06. Steve McIntyre's first fight in a Penguins uniform, lifelong fans will be made when he does



07. this is Eric Tangradi's last chance to prove it or lose it





08. Jordan Staal and his exasperated face will be on our television screens for the next six or so months



09. hey Dan Bylsma, how you doin'?



10. Marc-Andre Fleury's saves



11. the hope and the sadness and the joy and the screaming and the roller coaster games that this team has us go through year after year



Ray says, "Let's get this party started, peasants."



Now, onto the team.



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General Manager - Ray Shero



Coach - Dan Bylsma





Team Captain - Sidney Crosby



Player(s) everyone should love - Craig Adams



if you ask why, please stop reading this blog



Player we don’t love - still Arron Asham, personal taste



Who they got - Jason Williams, Steve Sullivan, Alexandre Picard & Steve McIntyre



Who they lost - Mike Rupp, Eric Godard, Max Talbot, Brett Sterling, Boris Valabik, Corey Potter, Ryan Craig, Chris Conner, Mike Comrie & John Curry





Located at - Consol Energy Center (home of the impossible exit)



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Hotness level - 6



Keep your earrings on, ladies. There are reasons for the number. Every team starts with a 10 and we work from there.



The loss of Mike Rupp's family values and dirty mouth took the Penguins down a notch. And so did the loss of Eric Godard. We are still mourning the departure of the nicest man ever. Both of their departures impact the hotness level by docking four points total. That's a 6.



The addition of James Neal adds two points. So that's an 8. And Deryk Engelland's defense combined with Zbynek Michalek's face gives the team another point. If you're following, 9 right now.



But then there's a minus for Kris Letang's hair when he has it tooooooo long. And another one for Boris Valabik and another minus for Arron Asham. That's 6.



We can't forget about Sidney Crosby's booty-bounce and his skillz. That's a point. Then another for Chris Kunitz's voice and hedgehog hair. Now that's another 8.



As we continue down the roster, there's a plus for Eric Tangradi's face. So far, 9. And a minus for Paul Martin the Keebler Elf. And another two minuses Pascal Dupuis's unibrow. So unsexy.



So there you have it, 6. Whew, that was hard.

One-A-Day: Philadelphia Flyers

This write-up was given to us by Grace and we absolutely love how she calculated the ever elusive and difficult hotness level.



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Philadelphia Flyers







The 2010-2011 season for the Flyers can best be described as the tale of 2 seasons. In the first half of the season, they briefly led the league in points. The angst that a fan often feels when watching their team wasn’t there. They were winning lots of games, and winning them solidly. Players and fans were gloating in the awesomeness of it all.



But sometime around December, everything seemed to change. Dry Island anyone?



Aside from losing 0-5 to the Panthers on 12/20, they had a long, maybe too long, Christmas break. They started to lose or barely win games that should have been easy against bottom dwellers like the Senators and Islanders. Worse yet, some of them didn’t seem to care. They had a “we’ll get them next game” attitude and promised to “flip the switch” in the playoffs.



Come playoff time, the team sort of showed up, but so did Ryan Miller. They barely beat the Sabres in the first round. What will best be remembered from the series? Mike Richards is a mass murderer. Thanks Miller, I did not know that.



As a fan, there are 2 teams I did not want the Flyers to face in the playoffs, the Lightning and the Bruins. Both gave the team fits in the regular season. And because the Canadiens weren’t able to pull off the upset this year, the Flyers marched up to Beantown for the second round and had their asses handed to them in a 4 game sweep. Kimmo Timonen said it best via @Euroflyers: “The better team won. It’s a fact. We just couldn’t get going for some fucking reason.”



It may seem strange to say this, but the Flyers season, in which they were 2nd in the Eastern Conference and 1st in the Atlantic, will be remembered as a failure. Where the team goes from here is anyone’s guess. The off-season was pretty f’d up to put in nicely.



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General Manager: Paul Holmgren (Homer) – I don’t know what this guy was smoking this summer, but I’ve got Dr. Drew’s number and I’m not afraid to use it.





Coach: Peter Laviolette (Lavy) – loved this guy up until the playoffs. His decision to sit Sergei Bobrovsky and put in Michael Leighton was monumentally bad. Hopefully his hockey smarts are back after the loooong summer break.



Hey Lavy, what did you think of the second half of the season?





Team Captain: Who the hell knows? Meh. It will probably be Pronger, who will then spend half the season “leading” from the press box with an upper body injury. No, I am not bitter! I just want Mike Richards back!

(If I could vote, I would choose Timonen as the new Captain.)



Players everyone should love:

Claude Giroux – With the trades this summer, Giroux is set to become the face of the franchise. And it’s such a lovely face.



I have yet to hear from a Flyers fan that doesn’t like/love him. No surprise he won team MVP this past season. Also, he has the most man-crushes of any player on the team. It’s true. I’ve seen heterosexual men on FB fighting over him. Let’s just go to the video:



Couple shorties to start the season. No biggie.





Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife! And yes, hide yo husband!



Side note: I met Giroux at last year’s Flyers Carnival and he was an absolute sweetheart. While I still wanted to pinch his cheeks (see last year’s one a day), I settled for a high five.



James Van Riemsdyk – JVR had an up and down season, but last impressions often mean the most. He was beastin’ in the playoffs and now people are starting to talk more about his play, then THE MOLE. Ack!





Maxime Talbot, aka the Winter Classic man-whore – I had to laugh when this signing came through. Talbot is one of those guys you hate when he isn’t on your team, and love him when he is. Flyers fans don’t appreciate being shushed, but they’ll get over it. I’m sure he will be a fan favorite. Sorry Pittsburgh.





Brayden Schenn – I’m just assuming at this point he makes the team. And all I can say about him is that after his hat trick at the Flyers development camp, I’m pretty sure some girls in Philly are now pregnant.



Danny Briere – Good ol’ Danny boy. While he takes some dumb penalties, Danny’s natural scoring ability cannot be denied. Also he’s probably the nicest player on the team in terms of dealing with fans and the media.



Players we don’t love: This is tough. Since I barely know this new team, I can only say that if Ilya Bryzgalov isn’t amazing, fans will not be happy. He better get at least one shutout (the supposedly top ranked Flyers defense can share the blame in getting the team ZERO shutouts last season).





And Leighton, forget about him. He actually went AWOL after the Buffalo series. True story. This name is now considered a dirty word in Philly and, fingers crossed, he will be buried in the minors.



The Off-season, aka the team implosion





Who they lost: When the team traded for the rights to negotiate with Bryzgalov, it was obvious someone(s) would have to go to be under the cap. Names such as Matt Carle, Kris Versteeg, Scott Hartnell, and Jeff Carter were thrown around among fans and media. After lying to the press and to Carter himself, it is clear I would never play poker with Homer. The first bomb was dropped on 6/23, sometime around 1pm when I thought, "Hey, I wonder if anything is going on. Let’s give Twitter a look.”



*long pause* “Ohhh, Carter was just traded.”



I sat down and slowly started to scroll through the mass of “oh my god” tweets when Eklund tweeted something like this, “Bigger move is coming from the Flyers” and I knew exactly what he meant. Howard Eskin, a local reporter, who has managed to scoop a couple injury stories this year, had mentioned early in the post season that Mike Richards was being shopped. Either people didn’t believe him, or were in denial like myself. Anyway, a half hour after Carter was traded, so was his bff. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!



End of a bromance. This picture was actually taken AFTER the trade. Nice shirt Richie, way to stab me in the heart.



Richie: "The organ-I-zation in Philly has treated me really well . . . but they can take their dry island and shove it." (disclaimer - only a semi real quote)



*sigh* Ok, moving on.



Who else did they lose? Darroll Powe; Dan Carcillo; Kris Versteeg; Sean O’Donnell; Brian Boucher; Nikolai Zherdev and Ville Leino (who violated the Sabres and will spin-o-rama his way up to Buffalo).



Who they got: A GOALIE!!!

Ilya Bryzgalov is his name. Destroying a team lineup for big money is his game.

Oh yeah, they also got Jakub Voracek, Brayden Schenn, Wayne Simmonds, Max Talbot, some guy named Jaromir Jagr, and another dman (more on him later).





Located at: Wells Fargo Center



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Hotness Level:

While many disagreed, I gave this team an 8 last year. I don’t care how much you love your team, but let’s face the facts. The only team in the league close to a 10 is the Blackhawks. There, I said it.



As for the Flyers, in my opinion, the team’s looks went south with the Richie and Carts trades. They were literally the faces of the franchise. Since Homer blew up the team, I think I have to start from zero and work my way up or down from there.



Who’s hot (most of these guys aren’t my cup of tea, so I’m basing this on female popularity): Claude Giroux, Danny Briere, Brayden Schenn, Max Talbot. (+1 for each)





And since I've ignored the Flyers defense this whole post, they collectively are (+1) led by Kimmo Timonen and Andrej Meszaros. Unfortunately, then there is Braydon Coburn (-1).



Bonus point for the new team bromance: Giroux and Briere, sometimes referred to as Brioux. (+1)





Additional points could be earned with roster additions during training camp. Here are some potential Flyer cuties:

Ben Holmstrom and his flow (pictured with Mike Testuwide and Andrew Rowe)





Matt Read, who joined Twitter shortly after I asked his roomie, Mike Testuwide, via tweet to get him join, so . . . (@read1mat)





Zac Rinaldo (trouble with a capital T, and also not my cup of tea) seen here with the Flyers porn star, Gina Lynn. You may recognize her, as she has slept with been photographed with these current and former Flyers: Claude Giroux, Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Scottie Upshall, Joffrey Lupul, Ben Eager, Riley Cote, and Danny Briere.





Tom Sestito - who wants you to follow him on twitter @TomSestito23





Final score: 5



. . . Wait a minute. Flyers might now have a Swede on the team?

*in my best Marge Simpson*

“Whaaaat?”

The angels are singing. What a beautiful man – Andreas Lilja.



His hockey career is on the downturn, but I’ll give it a pass since he was part of a Cup winning team.



New final score – TEN!!! I kid. 7. Seven is the final number.

One-A-Day: New York Rangers

New York Rangers





Yet again another season cut short by the Washington Capitals. We don't know when they'll learn that a powerful offense outweighs a defensive system. Probably never.



BRAD RICHARDS!



Sorry, it's like blogging Tourettes.



But we are extremely excited about the B-Rich coming back to the East coast. And also his joining back with Mr. Tortorella in the Big Apple. We also know that our very own Henrik is crying about the possibility of a Henrik Lundqvist and Brad Richards photoshoot in the future.



Brad Richards!



At least we calmed it down a little when we yell his name. But the jump in our hearts can't be stopped when we think of the marriage of the New York Rangers and Brad Richards.



The Rangers can only hope that Mr. Richards will be able to lead the team to the promised land. At least to the Conference Finals.



Baby Steps.



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General Manager - Glen Sather



Coach - John Tortorella





Team Captain - no one





Player(s) everyone should love - isn't it obvious?



Henrik Lundqvist



Player we don’t love - no one



Who they got - Brad Richards & Mike Rupp





Who they lost - Matt Gilroy, Vaclav Prospal, Ian White, Brian McCabe & Alex Frolov



Located at - Madison Square Garden





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Hotness level - 8



Three points for Ryan Callahan's whole being. One point for Brad Richards's hair.



One point for Marc Staal & Dan Girardi. Three points for Henrik Lundqvist's face. And the last point doled out for Brandon Dubinsky's goal-scoring prowess.

One-A-Day: New York Islanders

New York Islanders





What can we say about the Islanders besides feeling sorry for the team and especially their fans. There's a certain quality to a team that underachieves year after year and yet we expect something better for them. We still don't know why.



We've always liked the Islanders because face it, who doesn't like the plucky underdog? Well, we should use the past tense of 'like' because after the hoedown that happened between the Islanders and the Penguins on February 11th, 2011. After that, we were a little wary about giving our love to the team on the Island.





But we have put that day behind us, a little bit. We understand the pain that the Islanders fans have been going through with the new arena deal not being voted positively on. It really, really sucks for the fans.



Maybe with the players that the Islanders signed over the off season...oh wait, there was one signing? Nope, there's no help on the horizon. We're joking. But in all seriousness it seems as though the Islanders have to depend on the kids that they have now. And hopefully they are ready to take the wheel.



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General Manager - Garth Snow



Coach - Jack Capuano





Team Captain - no one



Player(s) everyone should love - Andrew MacDonald





Player we don’t love - Rick 'made of glass' DiPietro



Who they got - Marty Reasoner & Brian Rolston





Who they lost - Jack Hillen, Radek Martinek, Nathan Lawson, Zenon Konopka & Trent Hunter



Located at - Nassau Coliseum





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Hotness level - 6



John Tavares is deinitely growing into his looks which makes us sooo happy. That means there's hope for Taylor Hall's face.





Also, Josh Bailey is like a gorgeous farm boy.





Three points each sooo that means six.

One-A-Day: New Jersey Devils

This one-a-day was written for the blog by Tuorto. We thank her for her assistance on this team.



Being Pens fans at heart it is a little difficult to keep this division's teams write-ups unbiased.



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New Jersey Devils





There were no New Jersey Devils when I was a young’un; we were Flyers fans back then. However, when you get a home team, it is appropriate to be supportive. In Devils-land, the word ‘supportive’ refers as much to cheering them during the horrible early years and to our three Stanley Cup wins as it does to hollering sage advice like “stop spending too much time at the vending machine, eh, Marty?” during games. It is all in the spirit of helping the team win. Even though we dish it out to our boys, we don’t like it when others do. That means you, Wayne Gretzky (you think we forgot?) and Rangers fans.





The 2010-11 season was challenging. Parise spent most of the year injured, John McLean’s tenure as head coach was vomit-inducing (and I don’t think all the blame should be laid at Johnny Mac’s feet for that), and it is becoming increasingly apparent that Brodeur and Lou Lamoriello are aging out of the system. However – what a second half! I’ll throw down the gauntlet and say that the Devils were the best team in the NHL through much of the second half of the season. Was it the return of head coach Jacques Lemaire? Did Ken Daneyko kick ass on the entire defensive corps? The big question is - will it last into 2011-12? Because not making the playoffs sucks worse than the Rangers.



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General Manager

The legendary Lou Lamoriello



The Devils were always a true team; even the stars, like Scott Stevens, were simply a part of the system and played their roles. So when Lou signed Kovalchuk in 2010, it was out of character. Parise, who is undoubtedly the next generation of franchise player, narrowly avoided arbitration and signed for one more year at $6 million; it is hoped that a long-term deal will be worked out after the New Year. I’m confused by all this. Hopefully Lou is done putting himself behind the bench and will go back to being the ultimate pimp of GMs.



Coach

Peter DeBoer, late of the underwhelming Florida Panthers

This is the 9th coaching change since 2005.



He’s no looker like Larry Robinson…but as long as he coaches like him, all is forgiven.



Team Captain

Well, since we traded our captain in April, that slot is currently vacant. Perhaps the heir apparent is one of the alternates – Patrick Elias, Ilya Kovalchuk (Lord, I hope not), or Zach Parise. Maybe Scott Stevens will drink from the fountain of youth and come back refreshed and ready to lay dudes out. I can dream, people.





Player(s) everyone should love

Johan Hedberg – 2.38 GAA for Mooooooose





Zach Parise – he’s got the heart of a champion, soft hands, beaucoup skating skills, and finesse to spare





Let’s also give props to the elder statesmen…

Martin Brodeur (is the 2011-12 season going to be his swan song?) & Patrick Elias



And Mark Fayne deserves a cookie. +10 in 57 games played





Player we don’t love

Kovalchuk. Kovalchuk. KOVALCHUK!

Here’s the math, friends –

-26 (worst +/- rating on the team)

15 years

$100 million

I know he was the goal leader with 31, but for that paycheck, he’d better become the second coming of Rocket Richard.



Ilya – I’ll break it down real easy for you.



MORE:





LESS:





Who they got

Adam Larsson via draft (signed to an entry-level deal for 3 years)

Eric Boulton via Atlanta/Winnipeg

Cam Janssen via recycling (The Devils were “green” before it became the hipster thing to do – we love to recycle players and coaching staff.)



Who they lost

Captain Jamie Langenbrunner, Jason Arnott, Brian Rolston, Colin White



Someone needs to explain why Rolston, who was pretty much our only hard shot from the point, went to the Islanders for Trent Hunter, who was placed on waivers almost immediately, and then traded. W. T. F?!?!?



We also lost our über-announcer, Mike “Doc” Emrick; thankfully, he will continue to work on NBC/Versus. There is no one more exciting calling games in all of the NHL. Devils fans are praying to be spared the vocal stylings of the likes of Sam Rosen in the future. Doc, I take my toque off to you!





Travis Zajac is going to be out for a while with a busted Achilles, which means that we’ve lost one of our offensive forces for the first few weeks of the regular season. Has the Injury Monster reared its ugly head already?





I swear this is what came up in Yahoo Images when I searched for “injury monster nhl.” Go ahead…try it!



And I know it’s been a while, but I am still in mourning for the loss of Mike Peluso. He is my forever hockey husband. How didn’t you melt at the end of Game 4 (Cup-clinching game) in ’95, when Mike was in the throes of a crying jag?





Located at

Prudential Center, Newark, NJ





“The Rock” is really much better than the previous home of the Devils, Brendan Byrne Arena. Oh, you don’t recognize that name? It was the name of the old arena on Route 3 before Continental Airlines threw up its insignia all over it. Anyway, this arena is in walking distance from my place of business, which means free parking for games. It just needs to be consecrated with a Cup win.



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Hotness level 6

David Clarkson’s eyes and sexy smirk…





Zach Parise’s everything…





Brodeur, alas, has gone to fat, we sent Arnott’s fine ass away, and we didn’t draft Gabriel Landeskog. Demerits all around.



LET’S GO DEVILS!