We dream of having them on the same team because the damage they would cause would be beautiful. Goaltenders would have nightmares of these two coming down in a two-on-one.
-&-
Best Commercial of the Night
Boston Pizza
And this is why we love watching Canadian television.
Hello, I am Pierre McGuire and welcome to the best day of my life.
This is the day that I get to be close to the players I watched grow up and become men that I can lust after... I mean, watch play excellent hockey.
Players like Shea Weber. And Dion Phaneuf. And okay, I need a minute here.
Players like Steven Stamkos, I just wanna run my hand through his hair and okay, I'm gonna need another minute.
I'm just gonna wade through this manly goodness and schmooze with anyone I can, even Roenick's boy toy Kane and his thinning hair.
OH MY GOD! IT CAN'T BE! Is that Jordan Eberle and and and John Tavares, two of Canada's heroes sitting together.
BE STILL MY BEATING HEART! [Pierre has to be forcibly dragged away from the locker rooms.]
First Period
It's the Slovak takeover.
Marian Gaborik and Marian Hossa pick up right were they left off in Vancouver, destroying the defenses of every team. They look lovingly into each other's eyes and send passes that the angels weep at and Henrik Lundqvist curses every Swedish hockey god because he can't stop it.
It's a thing of beauty.
First Intermission
This man opened his fat mouth.
And then this bloated warthog put his two cents in. Why is Mike Milbury still employed by NBC? No one cares what he has to say and he looked miserable the entire game. Dude, take a Tums and shut up.
Let's get Mike Modano in here. Or Marty Turco. Or any retired player from the last century. Maybe they remember how the game is still played instead of the good old days when you could jump into a crowd and beat a fan with a shoe.
Second Period
Daniel Alfredsson got two goals and two standing ovations from the crowd.
We were more impressed with Jason Pominville's goal.
And Patrick Kane's sweet little move.
Carey Price stole the show with his commentary during the game. Get him in the booth for games, forget the old dudes.
Scott Hartnell completed the Ginger Power Trifecta. We have to admit, it was a thing of beauty. All that ginger hair and not a Brian Campbell in sight.
Second Intermission
Our spies in the locker rooms gave us this transcript of what happened when Drake was performing...
Seguin: Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. I just can't.
Couture: This is like a dream come true. Drizzy is here.
Weber: Are you crying?
Seguin: I just have a lot of feelings, okay?
Kessel: You guys, I've seen him before. Wasn't that good.
Couture, Seguin, Weber: Shut up, Philip.
Letang: Guys, guys what's going on? Who is this dude? Does he play Metallica?
*Silence.*
Neal: *don't say anything stupid like Tanger but I have no idea who this is...pretend to enjoy it, pretend to enjoy it...smile, there we go*
Kane: Tazer is gonna be so jealous of this, lololol. I'm gonna text him right now.
Tavares: What's 'Degrassi'?
Howard: Who's 'Jimmy in a wheelchair'?
Weber: *judging so hard*
Seguin: 'tell her I apologize, happened over time'
Hartnell: Stop rapping with him kid, I'm trying to film this shit and you're ruining my YouTube quality video.
Price: He's prettier than me, isn't he? Damn it and I left my chains and Timberlands in Montreal. Knew I should have brought them.
Perry: This is what Chompers and PrettyBoy were crying over? I'm gonna go back inside. This ain't shit.
Third Period
Claude Giroux tried to knock down his teammate, Scott Hartnell so that he would have to give money to the charity 'Hartnell Down'.
Pierre McGuire thought it was funnier than it actually was.
Team Chara wins by three goals.
Moral of the story: Get all the Slovaks and Tim Thomas on your team. You may lose the Skills but you're gonna win the game.
Post-Game
Marian Gaborik is named MVP.
Henrik Lundqvist is still trying to figure out how to stop him.
And the NHLers got to fangirl even more.
THE END.
We don't know what game you watched but this is what we saw...
The main thing we love about All Star Weekend is the love-fest that happens. Rivalries are out aside, enemies become teammates and everyone is 'excited to be here'.
This is what we love about this game. Fans even put aside their allegiances and hatred for this player or that player to celebrate what the game is all about...having fun and scoring goals.
We love watching players like Jordan Eberle and Jamie Benn chat during the skills. We love seeing Jonathan Quick get the recognition he deserves. We love witnessing the rookies come out of their shells a little and take some of the limelight.
This is why we love this weekend and think that it's a great thing for NHLers and fans to experience.
Here are a few of the things that we loved/noticed about the Super Skills competition:
- The inclusion of baby pictures in the player introductions...yes! There's probably nothing we like more than baby pictures of NHL players (besides them with animals, duh) so this was awesome.
- We've never really liked the fastest skater only because it's a quick and often boring event but the way that these boys compete is amazing, they want to win and it's funny to see them so determined. Carl Hagelin was a quick dude. No one picked him to win it but he showed everyone up.
- Obviously the highlight of the Breakaway Challenge was Patrick Kane.
He broke out a cape, glasses and a breakaway puck.
And Corey Perry with his almost-Ned Braden strip tease (we wish, how cool would that be?) and pulling out the mini-stick and dekeing around Quick to score.
And Carey Price. He was pulling a Fleury, just messing with the shooters and we approve.
But we were also impressed with John Tavares. He was all about the slick moves and lacrosse-style goals.
- One of the best parts of this year's skills was listening to Jeremy Roenick predict everything wrong. When he would say that one player would own this challenge, that player would fail terribly. It made us laugh like the horrible people that we are.
- Then we go to the Accuracy Shooting.
Jamie Benn stole the show. Not only is he easy on the eyes but he's also humble and obviously a sharp-shooter. That's hot.
- Do you also think that some of the talents of players were ignored? We think that Chara did a weak job of picking who would participate in what. But that's our opinion.
Alfredsson did okay. But it seemed like most of the Western guys were underused and as fans of most of those players/teams it was kind of sad.
But there's always that one dude that makes you go, 'Wait, he was there?' Like Jordan Eberle. And Gabriel Landeskog. And Ryan Suter.
- The Skills Relay was an event that is never explained correctly. And it always looks like a mish-mash of things happening but we think it's one of the best events.
We love seeing the different relay legs and seeing the players really shine on certain things.
Like Craig Smith and his skating. Those turns. The edge-work. We were impressed.
And Jamie Benn with the one-timers down low. Perfect. Like everything else he does.
And Henrik Sedin putting everyone else to shame on the passing accuracy. Seriously, if we were after him in the same leg we would have waved the white flag.
And John Tavares's hair.
It was lovely to see so many players strengths shine (while others failed, hello Patrick Kane) in this part of the Skills.
- Hardest Shot.
No surprise there. 108.8. Beast.
The Senators involved, Alfredsson and Spezza also were impressive. Both getting above 100 mph. Nice.
But what impressed us the most was Shea Weber.
He had a 104.9 and then a 106. Are you effing kidding us? Seriosuly? The power behind those shots is amazing. No one else even came close. Not even close.
He is five inches shorter and gives up almost thirty pounds on Chara. And he was only two mph behind him. Whatever.
That's a beast.
- An event that we would have put in this year was HAIRDRESSER. Because all we wanted to do was fix all of their hair.
Jamie Benn. You are a good-looking kid but WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR HAIR?! We want to wash out the gel, run a comb through it and then part it on the side.
In our head, damn that looks a lot better.
Then Steven Stamkos. Cut it all off. ALL. Get that flow gone. We may start up a charity and then convince Guy Boucher to help us with this. You know he hates it.
And we would hide all the gel. HIDE ALL THE GEL from NHL players.
- Then the Elimination Shootout.
By this time we were yawning and just waiting for the event to be over. Although seeing the moves that these kids (and old folks) were putting on the goaltenders was awesome. Team Chara lost awfully just because of his terrible picks in the Elimination Shootout. We wanted to just get into our television set and move around the magnetic picks.
Although, Quick and Lundqvist made some saves that made us stop whatever we were eating and stare. Those were some moves, boys.
Steven Stamkos just whipped everyone and Team Chara had no chance past the second round.
- All in all, we totally enjoyed this season's skills competition probably more than previous years.
Maybe it was because we got to see guys that we don't normally see in All Star Games and we got to see different personalities mesh. Maybe it was because the changes that have been made to the way that the actual Skills Competition is played. We do know that it was a combination of a lot of things but we had a lot of fun watching it and can't wait for the game tomorrow.
